Dear Jason:

I am writing you on behalf of my client, Mr. Arthur Jason Baker who currently has several charges pending in Gaston County Superior Court. He, along with two co-defendants, is charged with Possession of a Weapon of Mass Destruction and Maintaining a Dwelling for the Use of a Controlled Substance. I would very much like to speak with you regarding my client and these charges at your convenience. Evidently, the three defendants were found in possession of copious amounts of gun powder and a bag of marijuana weighing approximately one gram. 

As I mentioned, this case involves other individuals, namely John James Hall, affectionately known as “Booger,” and Franklin is the tale of the Booger, the Baker, and the gunpowder maker. You see, the Booger and the gunpowder maker stayed at the home of the Baker- together with various other individuals. While initially copacetic, this relationship quickly turned acrimonious, deteriorating into more than one “communicated threat.” Consequently, the Baker was forced to evict the Booger and the gunpowder maker, who left begrudgingly and without their gunpowder. Meanwhile, the Baker, subsequently arrested by the police for feloniously intending to use the one gram of marijuana, was left holding the bag of gunpowder.

Upon his release from jail, I had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Baker at last. I complimented his attire, noting that I too had a pair of blue pajamas with red race cars on them. After I explained to Mr. Baker what a weapon of mass destruction was, he still did not understand. He simply stated that he had nothing to do with the gunpowder.

While I understand this case appears quite serious upon its face, further scrutiny into this matter will prove otherwise. Contact me when you have a chance and remind me to tell you about my gunpowder experiments as a 13-year-old. Thank you and I will see you soon.

Yours very truly,