Dear Mr. Fowler:

I am writing you regarding my clients, Mr. Adam and Mrs. Shirley Wiggins, who are criminally charged with possessing a black bear in their home. Under North Carolina law, possession of a black bear constitutes a Class 1 Misdemeanor and carries a mandatory fine of $2,000. Needless to say, my clients were unaware that possessing a black bear was a crime. Instead, they thought the purchase of a male, black bear cub would make a delightful pet for their young children. They inform me that the bear cub was indeed the greatest pet they’d ever had. Sadly, this beautiful owner/pet relationship came to a crashing halt when Mr. Wiggins’ probation officer made an unannounced visit to their home and discovered the Wiggins’ children sharing their cereal with the bear in the kitchen. The probation officer summoned a Wildlife officer who began a conversation with the Wiggins that probably sounded something like the following: 

Oh where did you put that bear cub, my friend?
He’s sitting at the table, on the chair by the end.
He’s enjoying his cereal with the rest of our bunch,
My, how they love the taste of Captain Crunch.

He’s great with our children – ages five, four, and three;
And watches over them often for my wife and me.
While we realize he’s a bear and comes from the wild, 
He’s really responsible and his temperament quite mild.

You should see him with our kids as they run, laugh and play.
Please don't take him from us, you must let him stay.
The kids are attached and do love him so;
It would break their dear hearts if you made them go.

For children love bears, they’re cute, soft, and furry;
And this one is tame, so there’s no need to worry.
He causes no trouble, no fusses, no messes.
He’s even careful to match when he dresses.

A talented bear, he can walk on a ball.
He even uses the restroom at the end of the hall.
So smart is this bear, he can tell red from blue,
And he knows what you’re thinking when he’s looking at you.

The Wildlife officer was in total disbelief;
But sought to be kind and not give them much grief.
He told them possessing a bear is highly illegal.
It’s not like a dog such as a chow or a beagle.

He said bears are not meant to be kept in a home.
It’s out in the wild where they’re meant to roam. 
While your motives seem honest, that much appears true,
When this bear grows up, he’ll eat all of you.

And so the Wildlife officer charged my clients with the offense of possessing a black bear subjecting them to a minimum fine of $2,000 each. Considering they only paid the seller of the bear $250, this seems a little unfair. While I realize and readily admit that purchasing a bear as a pet for your children is not the brightest of ideas, you have to admit that a bear cut eating cereal at the table with three small children makes for a cute photograph – especially if they were all wearing bibs.

 Please let me know what help you may be inclined to extend to my clients regarding this rather innocent matter. Thank you.

Yours very truly,