Dear Ms. District Attorney:

I apologize for not visiting you earlier regarding this case. However, you will be pleased to know that I have reviewed the file with my client. That said, I was inquisitive as to why you wanted Mr. Hills to plead guilty to Felony Possession with Intent to Sell/Distribute Marijuana? After all, the file indicates he’s a robbery victim in this case. Additionally, the case involves less than 7 grams of marijuana and my client was not one of the two alleged contracting parties. In my opinion, the only thing Jeffrey Hills is guilty of is being a good brother. 

That’s right. I’m starting this letter by extolling the brotherly virtues of my client. While I don’t know if the nobility of his actions rose to a level worthy of a Dostoyevsky novel, I do know that they shouldn’t warrant much of a punishment, if any. According to the file, Mr. Hills accompanied his brother to Mr. Robinson’s automobile where his brother was to receive $90.00 in exchange for what the police allege to be seven grams of marijuana. Evidently, that shameful little Mr. Robinson grabbed the weed and tried to drive off, when my client - acting nobly I might add - jumped into the would-be thief’s vehicle and attempted to put a stop to his chicanery. At this point, the thief pulled a gun on my client and left with the money and the weed. 

Disappointed? Yes. Angry? Yes. But more than anything, Jeffrey Hills was hurt! Hurt, because he couldn’t help his brothers. Even with all of his might and all of his will, he was no match for a loaded .45 pointed his way. No doubt his brother still appreciated Jeffrey’s attempt to help. Jeffrey’s his big brother, so he’s relied on Jeffrey many times in their lives. Like all those times when Jeffrey would complete both of their chores, so his little brother wouldn’t get in trouble. Or those times Jeffrey rescued his little brother when he couldn’t keep up. Or maybe it was just the thousand times Jeffrey tied his little brother’s shoes when they were kids. Whatever the case, being an older brother – a good one that is - has its drawbacks. And this event proves to be no exception to that rule.

Before I continue my case for Jeffrey, I would like to inquire quickly as to what was Mr. Robinson’s intended use for the marijuana? If he intended to reduce it to extract, I’d like to know. You see, recently, while in my optometrist’s waiting room, I had a great conversation with a gentleman who, along with other scientists, had been conducting experiments on mice in hopes of discovering new and valuable uses for the extract from marijuana. As he explained to me some of their findings, I could not deny their impressive nature. Still, did the mice not experience any negative effects? At this question, he hung his head slightly. After a few seconds, he began to answer. He said it started slowly, but within days of exposure to the extract, the mice began showing up late for experiments. When they did arrive, their clothing was disheveled. After three weeks of treatment, they had completely abandoned their traditional attire in favor of sunglasses and what he could only describe as “more comfortable” clothing. One of the mice had even appeared for his experiment in a bath robe and bedroom slippers. And the overall performance of the mice during experiment and testing procedures dropped considerably. Several mice even refused to participate, instead opting to fall asleep. Similarly, the mice adopted a completely new approach to their free time. The treadmill, once the most popular item in the mouse village, now sat idly - covered with a thin layer of dust. Instead, the mice had opted to spend hour after hour watching internet videos and playing online games while eating copious amounts of Cheetos, Doritos, and potato chips. Not surprisingly, the mice as a group experienced a 23% weight increase in three short months. When I asked the gentlemen how he thought the public might react to the negative findings, he informed me the public would never know, He went on to explain that because the experiment was privately funded by a corporate entity, they had no duty to release any negative findings or conclusions. “What corporation would refuse to release such important information?” I asked. He looked around quickly for eavesdroppers, then turned to me and whispered “Frito Lay.” 

So I am sure now you can see my concern for the intended use of marijuana. Of course, whatever Mr. Robinson’s intended use, he had no justification for robbing my client. As I pointed out earlier, my client was simply attempting to help his brother, like he’d done thousands of times before. I would even argue my client was completely just in his actions. After all, Mr. Robinson was clearly the breaching party of whatever contract he and my client’s brother had. And my client, like many honorable men, observed this wrong and sought to right it. Isn’t that more of a noble act than a criminal one? At the very least, it should mitigate my client’s culpability to more of a misdemeanor punishment than a felony. Don’t you think? 

Please let me know your thoughts on this matter. In the meantime, watch out for mice wearing bath robes and sunglasses. 

Yours very truly,